Monday, December 13, 2010

Jim wisdom #9: Every once in awhile

Every once in awhile a stupid person will surprise you with their stupidity. For example if you have the intent to call into work (to play hookie) it is probably not a good idea to inform your supervisor the day before that you intend to do this. Once again a stupid person surprised me, will the amazing feats ever stop.
Nor is it a good idea to sit at your boss's desk and put your feet up on it while you handle personal business on the company phone and on the clock and not expect someone to snitch on your dumbass. This preson was stupid enough to piss down the back of the one person supported him when all others were screaming for his head and tell them that it was rain.
Seriously do they breed stupid in your family or did you have to work hard to reach the level you are at. In one surprisingly dumb move you not only showed how stupid you are but how blind you are to how easy you had it. So enjoy going back beneath whatever prehistoric bible thumping dumbassville rock you came from and leave the real work to the grownups. One less stupid person in each of our lives one down 50 billion more to go. We will stop the stupids.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Jim wisdom: #8 The TSA rubbed the wrong guy

 So my friend Chew posted an article on Facebook today about a guy in San Francisco. Who is or atleast at the time of the article being held in jail for accidently ejaculating on a TSA employee at the airport. The article recounted the details as told to them by witnesses. The TSA employee or as I would like to call them from now on mister happy hands spent a little too much time inspecting the victim's genital area which had several piercings the victim who the article states suffers from ejaculation problems accidently jizzed in his pants. Immediately mr happy now sticky hands called for back up and the man was taken to the ground and arrested. As someone who has been through a normal booking process and know how long that takes I feel bad for the victim who had to sit through that process in his freshly jizzed whitey tighties.
      After reading the article I got to thinking fuck I thought it was terrorist blowing the plane up or it crashing the scariest things about flying. No more my friends now the greatest fear of flying isn't what could happen up in the air but, what might happen when you walk through security. The day will come when  these mr happy hands will get theirs. Picture it if you will, mr happy hands starts doing one of these physical inspections on the wrong person and that person lays a slobber knocking down on mr happy hands. So if you are a TSA employee or know one inform them to watch who's junk they rub on cause it might get them intoduced to the five knuckle shuffle.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Jim wisdom #7: Laziness it also is a disease

Today I was given the inspiration to return with an all new Jim wisdom after a dry spell. I had an interaction with an individual today that made me wonder what is up with the laziness of some of my coworkers. This individual thought it okay to assist a customer all the way up to the point of finding out, that the customer decided that they wanted to purchase the chair. And it needed to be carried to the front of the store and then to their car. At this point he pawned the customer off on me in what I believe was an act of laziness of not wanting to lift the 25lb chair that was in a box, hell we have hand trucks if it was too heavy for him. It later came to my attention that this individual just prior to pawning the customer off on me was possibly refused the sale of a commissionable warranty on the chair. So, I could not resist but ask  this individual if his arms and legs were broken in which I got the response of  yes they are and that the only reason I was employed at my work was to carry stuff so he wouldn't have to. And the fact that I had to carry the chair out isn't the issue I didn't mind assisting the customer getting the chair to the front and then to their vehicle. That didn't bother me one bit because ultimately my job is to assist the customers in the store to the best of my ability. But, what pissed me off is that this motherfucking half whitted schmuck does this type of thing all the time and puts forth the attitude that any type of actual labor work is beneath him. And that since the customer possibly wasn't buying the warranty that he makes extra money on, that they didn't deserve his time or a full service experience. It is so bad that this guys duties have to be pawned off on other employees just so we can stay half way on track to getting things accomplished.
   So to all you folks out there are like this chicken livered little girly man get off your ass pull your weight. And if you are worried about getting dirty don't its only dirt and will wash out I promise. Hell you start pulling your weight a little more you might find that people aren't so cold torwards you. Also it is ill advised to look down at your coworkers and the other types of work that are done around you. Sometimes we have to leave our normal duties to assist customers it is part of the gig if you don't like it you might want to hit the highway.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Jim wisdom #6: Fuck Censorship

What the fuck gives you the right to decide what words I can and can't hear and what parts of a human body I am allowed to see and which ones I am not allowed to see on tv. After all we all either have them or have seen them up close. Don't sit there and tell me its because you are worried about your kids hearing or seeing it. Cause I am sure they hear worst things coming from your bedroom when you think they are asleep. You sit there preaching about the evils of profanity and sexuality but, it is okay to see acts of violence on tv so horrible that even killers don't want to watch is okay. Cause it isn't thought of as wrong as long as the good guy wins. But, what are you to do if the good guy likes to call the bad guy a cum guzzling donkey fucker and go to a strip joint to watch boobies flop around you put black bars up to cover the boobies and bleep the cum and fucker and it sounds like you bleep guzzling donkey bleep the humor is all gone that way. Am I completely crazy we broadcast our military invading countries and killing and blowing shit up but, we still can't see a completly nude body or say numerous other things because the government feels it is inappropriate for the american people to hear well I say FUCK YOU, you chicken humper! Richard Pryor was right it isn't the words that are wrong but the people's thoughts upon hearing them. So that means America's dirtiest minds are running the FCC. I will not allow them to force their ideals upon me and nor should you.  

Monday, November 1, 2010

Jim's wisdom #5: Porn

So while driving done to Warsaw, MO on Friday to do some final prep work for deer season. I drove by a sign  that stated how  porn was nothing but degrading, evil, immoral,and wrong. I am not mentioning this so the arguement can be had on if it is or if it isn't. But, after reading the billboard I got to wondering what positives have come from pornography. And thats right you guessed,  I came up with a few.
1. It is a great educational tool.
2. Shows that even shitty actors and actresses can make movies people will watch
3. Any movie can be adapted to a porn i.e. Forrest Humps, Busty Jones and the Temple of Dildos
4. Taxes from porn revenue helps pay for many social programs that benefit america's youth
5. Has taught many young men the facts of life
6. Gave us great talent like Jenna Jamison, Ron Jeremy(The HedgeHog), John Holmes(Johnny Wad)
7. Showed us why the internet was really invented.
8. Has provided careers for thousands of people who would have ended up leeching off  taxpayers
9. Made plastic surgery the most profitable form of medicine in the world
10. Allows ugly dudes to hookup with smoking hot chicks that are way out of their league.
11. Made Larry Flynt an activist.
12. Made it cool for an 80 year old dude to have 6 girlfriends and all of them be younger than his newest pair of shoes.
13. Proved that fetishes are for the most part harmless and just weird.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Jim's wisdom #4; Self Expectations

  At work today, a coworker and I were discussing what we had accomplished in our shift. We had been loaned out to work in another store assisting them in their inventory prep work. Anyway we were discussing how I felt like we hadn't gotten much done considering what was left ahead of us. The conversation took a turn torwards what level of self expectations each of us had for what we thought we should be accomplishing in the day. And as the conversation went on I began to think about the different levels of self expectations people might have for themselves. I came up with a few types on the ride home from work.
     First, is the person who sets high expectations for themselves and usually can obtain them. But, there are occasions when this person does not obtain these expectations. When this happens sometimes the fault is there own and sometimes the fault lies with things that are out of their control. Not always is there a positive reaction when this occurs due to the personal investment the person puts in. These people I would like to think are usually considered to be good people to have around. Since they know how to get shit done.
     Second, is the people who have some self expectation but, their level is usually what they think is expected from others, no drive to exceed what society deems exceptable. These people I would like to think these types people react more positive than they first since the level of personal attatchemnt isn't as high.
But, still good people to have around they are consistant.
    Third, and probably my favorite is the fuck nut. These people have no self expectation level. These people are the ones that no call no show to work. The ones that that sit around abusing the system and programs out there that are to give a helping hand, not a lifelong career. These people are just another part of the ever growing examples of how Darwin was wrong. These people aren't evolving they are multiplying like goddamn rabbits. I look around and  see more and more of them everyday. It is like a bad zombie movie that you can't turn off. These people are extrememly lazy they get the bare minimum accomplished in everything they try. No self investment in anything. We must combat this problem of lazy, stupid, unmotivated and non expectation having "people" by making it each and every person's mission to go out of their way to make the day difficult for these people. Make a game out of it with your coworkers and friends.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Jim's wisdom #3: Proper Attire for Public Outtings

I am all for being comfortable dressed with a flair of your own individualism. Show some class, show some self respect. If a garmet is an ethinic piece of attire leave it for that ethnicity to wear. Don't you wear it cause you think it makes you look cool or gangsta. Cause in reality it makes you look like a nerdy assclown. Also when going out in public look in the mirror before going you would be surprised by the world of good it would do for you.
  Next, lets discuss spandex. It is for the skinny and physically fit, not for fat asses who the only exercise they get is from lifting the king sized candy bar versus the regular sized. I am not wanting it to sound like I am bashing on plus sized people cause I am not. I am just pointing out that spandex doesn't belong on the 400lb lard ass standing in front of me a taco bell. As a fat guy I would never think of wearing spandex and trust me many people are thankful for that. So, the next time you are in public and you think people are staring at you they probably are if you are wearing spandex or dressed like something straight out of a Master P video and you are caucasian and or fat.

Jim wisdom #2:Genius and Douchebaggery

Saw social network last night not a bad movie.  After seeing it if half of what was depicted in the movie is true than Mark Zuckerberg is brilliant genius and a major polesmoking douchebag all in one. But, what makes me laugh is, not until the end when facebook was exploding did anyone think of getting contracts with this little shit. Think about it these were supposed to be the very people who would run fortune 500 companies and not a single one of them thought to get Zuckerberg to sign a contract with them. Which the last time I checked was business partnership 101 always get the contract protect your own ass. And Why didn't anyone show any intellegence and read the ones they were signing or have a lawyer explain them. It isn't like they couldn't afford a lawyer.
       It did raise some important thoughts with me like if you are genius level smart and getting a 1600 on your SAT I think qualifies Zuckerberg to be called a genius. Does that give such a person the right to have no social graces or manners? Does that give this person automatic right to be a complete asshole cause they can blame the lack of social graces and manners on the fact their brain works differently than an average person. Hell fucking no, regardless of how smart someone is doesn't excuse douchbaggery. For example Einstien is considered to be one of the greatest minds of the 20 century and the dude was a complete laidback average guy. Why is it smart people can use their intellegence as an excuse for their actions and behavior. When in truth they are a douchebag and are angry because they are so smart no one wants anything to do with them. So if you are blessed and cursed with the gift of being a genius remember that there are other people in this world and there will be those that will mistreat you but, there will be just as many if not more that will stand in aww of who and what you are.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Jim's Wisdom #1 Stupidity it is a disease you know

If you are going to be stupid don't be surprised when someone calls you a dumbass. I mean seriously when did it become ok to be stupid. I know that there are different levels and types of smarts but, I am
talking about  people who are just down right sheep humper stupid. And it seems that these people keep on advancing in society, we all see them in our respective lives everyday and wonder how does a dumbass like that survive day in and day out. It is like there should be someone there reminding them to breathe.
I guess what makes it worst is that most of these morons think they are some sort of genius when really the smartest part of them became a brown stain on the backseat. There is no cure for the disease of stupidity that inflicts pain and agony on so many lives. So do your part when you come across a dumbass who is suffering from stupidty make sure to show them your support with a good and hearty, Way to go dumbass you remind all of us why cousin and livestock humping is so wrong" After all everyone likes to hear a complament.